derailing.
My novel is derailing due to lack of free time to write. It’s taking me about 2 and a half to three hours a day to write 1800 words, and I just don’t have that kind of time every single day. I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish the novel by November 30. We’ll see.
Also, my anxiety has totally kicked in, and to be honest, I think this is what is taking up my mental space now: my in-laws got a dog. If you know me, you know I have an extraordinary phobia of dogs. When I was a toddler, my next door neighbor’s playful dog chased me around my backyard and I felt so terrified. I’m not sure where my mom was at the time, but the neighbor lady, who was working in her garden heard me screaming and picked me up right away. Up until that chase, I loved that dog. I’m sure I didn’t understand everything that was said to me because I was so small. Since then, dogs have scared me.
We’re going to my in-laws house for Christmas, and of course I keep thinking of these awful things that a young 40 pound poodle puppy could do. I’ve got a horror movie called Five Days of the 40 Pound Poodle looping through my head.
So now my anxiety’s got the best of me again and it’s taking up too much mental space to write the novel. I need to figure out how to get myself unscared of dogs by the time we travel. Anybody have any suggestions?
Anyway, I would be more coherent with this post, except that I have two screaming children next to me. Got to go…
Filed under: Journal | 2 Comments
had to share.
To Whom It May Concern:
E-Niner has been in my class since February 2009. Over the past few months, E-Niner has made amazing strides, both academically and socially in school.
When E-Niner first came to our school, he was withdrawn, couldn’t complete tasks and had no interest in interacting or socializing with classmates or teachers. He could sit at a table for class work for 5-7 minute intervals before requiring a break. He would then roam the room with no interest in toys or activities.
Since the end of April, E-Niner has made a complete turn around. Academically, E-Niner is working on a Kindergarten curriculum. He is able to focus on hand writing, can identify letters and letter sounds. He is learning about punctuation and capitalization. In math he can rote count and understands one to one correspondence. We are working on single digit addition.
We are most impressed with the gains E-Niner has made socially. He now interacts with his peers during both free play and teacher directed activities. He looks forward to playing with his friends. He loves playing “chase” or “tag” outside. He loves board games and building with blocks. In the past he would roam around the room disinterested in activities with toys, or engage in conversation only with adults. Now, he is silly, playful and appears to be more “carefree.”
Currently, E-Niner has minimal behavior issues in class. He does however, appear at times to be more anxious than typical peers his age. When this occurs, E-Niner gets fidgety and asks for a drink of water or for a break. He is able to wait for a break until completion of the activity. He responds well to “working for” cards and a “break” system.
E-Niner is a joy to have in class. We look forward to continued progress.
Thank you,
E-Niner’s Teacher
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in case you’re interested…
…the first chapter of Unraveled is drafted. Not here. Over at Discovery Draft.
Filed under: Minutia | Leave a Comment
Only in America…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America … do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America … do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America … do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America … do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER …
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) … in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
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ttfn.
I have a feeling it’s going to get dark around here in the coming month.
Starting with a preview today and through the month of November, I’ll be writing my first novel at Discovery Draft. You may want to bookmark it or RSS it or remember the web address discoverydraft.wordpress.com.
See ya around!
Filed under: Minutia | 1 Comment
the wheels are in motion.
So fun. I’ve put together a blog dedicated solely to writing the novel and posting every day.
Stay tuned for its unveiling, and beware that this place may become scarce during November. I broke down word count. I need to bust out roughly 1800 words per day to reach the goal.
I’m spending the next few days spiffing up the November blog and doing as many domestic chores as I can including things like putting together the menu for Thanksgiving (I’m hosting and writing a novel!!!), bringing the car to the shop to replace all the wheels, planning T783’s birthday party at home and the one at school, preparing for all my very fun social events including a tea with my girlfriends and a baby shower for my college roommate, and figuring out when exactly I’m going to write 1800 words in the course of a day!
I’m so excited!
In an act of kindness to myself, I’m reminding me that I am doing this for fun. I’m giving myself permission not to complete the task. False starts are okay. This should be something that is fun, and the moment it starts becoming a chore is the moment it needs to be put out of its misery. I will not measure myself on this accomplishment or potential lack thereof.
Filed under: Journal | 3 Comments
because i’m crazy.
November marks National Novel Writing Month and National Blog Posting Month.
I’m thinking about going for broke — writing both a novel and posting about writing the novel as I go.
Fuck it. I’m gonna do it. What is there to lose?
OR…what about this doozy…write the novel as blog posts! Could you imagine having your first draft totally out there? It’s like exposing dirty underwear! LOVE it. (Though let me be clear that my underwear is stark white, and even in its constant pristine state, I would never expose it.)
That’s the ticket. I’m going to do that bad boy.
Thank God Script Frenzy, when we all blow the wad writing a screenplay, is in April.
Filed under: Minutia, Novel Writing | 4 Comments
Tags: writing about writing
apropos of everything.
1. baking gluten-free, cholesterol-free brownies right now, and can’t wait.
2. maybe i should make a cup of coffee with that.
3. weird that the same teapot i use to warm water for my coffee gets used for my neti pot which gets used to flush the snot from my nose.
4. irrigating sinus passages is a new thing for me, and i’m warming up to the idea.
5. it seems like everybody but me knew about the neti pot.
6. i didn’t have dinner tonight, so i will have a nice helping of brownie.
7. at once in a lifetime while, brownie should count as dinner.
8. what’s life if you don’t live it?
Filed under: Minutia | 2 Comments
just like riding a bike.
Wow, it’s amazing how quickly I revert to absolute, utter-distress, panic-attack mode.
We had a rough night with E-Niner on Thursday and Friday. On Thursday, I managed to have an all-out, body-convulsing, convinced-I-need-the-ER, panic attack.
The thing about panic attacks for me is that there is this very rational person sitting deep in the middle of my brain saying very calmly, “You are having a panic attack. There is nothing really wrong. Settle down. Take a Xanax. You are having a panic attack. There is nothing really wrong. Settle down. Take a Xanax.”
Then there is that maniac person who is absolutely convinced that there’s a perforated ulcer gushing fluid into my body cavity or that I have just busted my appendix. All because I had intense pain on my belly button, and that’s what Google told me could be happening. Turns out it was just gas.
Gas with a side of an all-out panic disaster on the part of E-Niner. Just prior to my own meltdown, which was relieved by Xanax and a helpful husband, E-Niner awoke from a nightmare.
The screaming — the shrieking — was at the same decibel and tone that I heard several times nightly in the late winter. The same shrieking that followed with phrases like, “Get the fish out of my bed!” or “Why is there a whale swimming in my room?” I associated this anxious, terrified cry with hallucinations, and was convinced it was happening again. If Pavlov were around today, I’d make a fine dog specimen for him.
Apparently, he had been screaming for a while, but turned up the volume because we didn’t hear him. Truth be told, my husband and I were watching Slumdog Millionaire, which includes a lot of shrieking children. We couldn’t tell that it was our child doing the screaming at first.
When we raced to E-Niner’s room and threw the door open, he came at us swinging, just as he had done in the spring. He hit Jonathan’s legs and, since I was crouched on the floor ready to talk him through a psychotic episode, he slapped me in the face. It happened so fast. He got an immediate time-out, and settled down quickly. He wasn’t psychotic. He was just really, really scared.
After the adrenaline rush, we talked with him about his dream and why we didn’t come to his room right away. He wanted to sleep in our bed for a little while, which the three of us did.
Wait a second.
I’m telling the wrong story here. E-Niner’s nightmare was on Friday night and my panic attack was on Thursday. I’m being perfectly honest here, but I can’t remember what E-Niner did on Thursday. But there was something, because part of my helpful husband’s talk with me during my freak-out went something like “You’re having a panic attack because this has been the worst night since E-Niner has been home from the hospital.” Whatever it was on Thursday, I must have blocked out.
I guess it doesn’t matter, really. What matters that even though our lives have been relatively stable for a few months now, there is a deep memory of what happened in the past though it may be suppressed. My anxiety from that time can be awakened from a child’s nightmare. I’ve heard that parents of children with special needs can have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I believe it.
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Tags: anxiety
i did it!
Thanks, everyone, for your well-wishes! I did it!
Brought my hiney to the work-out room in the high rise across the street. I walked/ran for 15 minutes. I didn’t push myself too hard. Just wanted to let my body know that it’s time to get active again. I’ll try again tomorrow.
Filed under: Minutia | 3 Comments
