for the love of all things holy, can’t i find a book to read that isn’t utterly depressing!

So many of you commented with suggestions on books I should read since my last few books have been about people with life-threatening disabilities and chronic diseases. I found myself at my favorite bookstore yesterday quite accidentally without the trusty list you so kindly drew up for me, and couldn’t remember a single book.

The only author I could remember was the one Elizabeth suggested, Anne LaMott, but the only book they had by her was Rosie. Reading about a mother struggling with her teenage daughter didn’t sound up my alley.

I burned through Augusten Burroughs early in the year — a gay, self-deprecating, alcoholic man who used to work in advertising. A person who I have absolutely nothing in common with, except for his love of the absolutely absurd. I should have savored those books more.

The bookstore clerk said that my love of Burroughs told her that I don’t mind things that are dark or kind of edgy. So she recommended a tome called This Book Will Save Your Life by A.M. Homes. The title sounded funny enough. And the picture of the coyote with the Hollywood sign between it’s eyes looked absurd enough for my taste. One of the book reviews highlighted on the back cover compared her writing to Vonnegut, another favorite of mine. This was a sure home run, I thought.

NOPE.

I got to something like page 87 and was like, this isn’t funny. I’m not laughing. In fact, I’m feeling really anxious for this guy. It’s a good book, good writing. Not the genre I was hoping. Maybe like Vonnegut in the style of writing, but not so much where humor is concerned. The I turned to the last page, which is what I do anytime I’m not so enamoured. SPOILER ALERT: On the last page, the guy drifts off in the Pacific Ocean after some natural disaster (I assume). He’s about to be rescued until the copters see the ferris wheel on the Santa Monica pier roll into the ocean. It’s assumed that he dies.

Definitely not uplifing. Bad storeclerk! Bad storeclerk! This is what E-Niner would say if he read the book. Anytime I do something he doesn’t like, he says, “Bad Mommy! Bad Mommy!” I always get a kick out of it. Anyway…

I couldn’t fall asleep, so I picked up Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs which was sitting in my night stand. There were a few short stories in it that I realized I never read. Here’s one called Ass-Burger. Didn’t sound familiar, and whenever that man goes on and on about asses, it is hilarious. So I dove in.

Do you know what it’s about? It’s the story of how he came to find that his brother has Aspberger’s. Only he thought his brother said, “I have ass-burger.” For the next few moments, he wondered what the hell an ass burger is and tried picturing it as best he could and what his straight brother had to do with any of it. Tears were rolling from my eyes. Now this is my kind of disability reading.

Bookstore was a bust. Should have stuck with what I had in my nightstand all along. I did manage to pick up one other book while I was out — a book of quotes from kids who have life-threatening illnesses. See? I can’t pry myself away. This book really is good though. I’m thinking of asking the publisher if we could put some of the quotes on Hopeful Parents.

I know. This is my fault. Must print out those comments and put them in my purse. Pronto!