I thought I had ordered a pre-cooked turkey. Apparently not. I have no idea what to do with this thing, nor do I think I have the right implements like an oven thermometer or a meat thermometer or a roasting pan or the desire to scoop out giblets.

I can’t get the Ace hardware guy’s line out of my head: “Hit it with a little two-twenty grit.” This was in reference to advising me in sanding the sideboard. I’d told him that I used a course 60 grit to remove all the stain, and he said that before I re-stain it I should sand it down with a finer grit one more time.

I hit that thing, applied one coat of stain to the cabinet and two coats of paint to the drawer and door fronts. Every time I moved to a next step, I’d say to myself using the voice on the inside, “Gotta hit it with another coat of paint,” or “Time to hit it with some stain.”

The worst was when the phrase moved outside of furniture refinishing to the rest of my world, “Better hit that laundry,” and “Gotta hit the road and get E-Niner from therapy.” And then I realized that “Hit the road” is a popular and well-known phrase. Perhaps “hit the road” is the etemology of “hit it.” Although “hit it” and road means something completely different than “hit it” and grit.

Anyway. You can see how my mind devolved throughout much of the day. I’ll attribute that to the fumes.

Since my brain has degenerated to slow-mo, here’s a picture story:

drawers and doors after sanding

doors and drawers after two coats of paint

cabinet after sanding before stain

cabinet after one coat of stain

T783 catching me during a lunch break -- note that ziplock bag holds the coffee beans that he ground for me by hand while he was at school

Long story longer, the cabinet needs at least two more coats (if not more) of stain. It’s supposed to be an espresso color. The door and drawer fronts need probably only one more coat of paint.

The problem is these tasks must be accomplished while everyone is out of the house so that there is enough time to air things out. This being the week of Thanksgiving, it’s a short week for school and work. Plus, it’s supposed to rain off and on tomorrow through Thursday, which means no open windows or doors around here. My in-laws will be here through Sunday, after which the temperature is supposed to dip down into the 30s. It’s possible this table gets tabled until warmer weather. Oh, well.

I’ll post the (semi-) finished product. And to answer Lisa’s question from the comments in the last post: hell yeah, I’m using this to serve on Thanksgiving!

Lots to do this week, as is the case with everyone. Thanksgiving dinner is at my house this year — at the home of the one who cannot cook. Simplicity — meaning meals that require more assembly and less babying — is the name of the game around here.

THANKSGIVING DINNER MENU

Starters

Smoked salmon on toast points

Roast beef tea sandwiches with horseradish cream

Spinach dip served in an Hawaiian bread bowl

Entrees

Turkey (pre-cooked, from Whole Foods)

Vegan Roast (pre-made, from Whole Foods)

Side Courses

Green beans almondine

Acorn squash doused in butter and brown sugar

Stove top stuffing

Shitake mushroom gravy

Cranberry sauce from the can

Dessert

Steamed cranberry pudding with hard sauce

Coffee

The hardest part of the meal will be the cranberry pudding, but I’m up for the challenge. I saw Martha Stewart make it on her special this year, and it looked pretty easy. I just need to buy a mold for the pudding.

The day after Thanksgiving we’re going to visit family in the ‘burbs. I said I’d bring sandwiches. Hopefully my family won’t mind two rounds of the salmon and roast beef. I’m also planning on using the leftover turkey to make turkey, brie and cranberry sandwiches.

So. Lots of making (not so much cooking) ahead for the week.

That, and I’ve GOT to finish that sideboard. Off to get stain and paint…right now!

1. If you are sanding inside, having an air purifier makes things a whole lot better.

2. Making sure the sand paper is as taut as possible is key. If you’re using a sander with a vacuum attachment, be sure that after you punch holes in the sandpaper, you adjust its tautness.

3. A vacuum cleaner and every and all swiffer products are your friends. Use them.

4. It says this in the instructions, but dump out the filter on the vacuum attachment every five minutes. Makes a huge difference.

5. Watch out to keep corners at 90 degrees and not round them — unless, of course, you want them rounded.

6. Wear the proper mask — not just any mask.

Whoever invented the power sander deserves a place in heaven.

I’m just all over the place, aren’t I? Trying to write a novel, trying to knit. Now I’m going to try vocal jazz. My voice is definitely nothing to write home about, but I have loved the jazz standards since I first knew about them. I’ve always wanted to sing them and scat. So I’ve decided to find myself a coach. I’ll keep you posted…

I am usually the last person in the world to start raving about a telephone, but I’m feeling the opposite of buyer’s remorse about my new phone. What would that be? Buyer’s elation?

I’ve been thinking that these new smartphones are what Kitchen Aid mixers were to the 1950s. They made everyday life an order of magnitude easier. Now I can blog (seriously! there’s a WordPress app on my phone), catch up with my friends on Facebook, check e-mail and of course, use the phone. I’m still getting the hang of it all, but I see my life becoming a little more streamlined all because of a tiny computer that I can hold in my hand. Woo-hoo for the 21st century!

Which actually got me to thinking today…how freaking cool is it that while I’m sitting in my car waiting in line for the car wash, I can think about my friend in Dubai, and proceed to communicate with her all on this little tiny object no bigger than the size of my hand? This was blowing my mind today.

What will happen in the future? Will someone’s thoughts one day pop into another person’s inbox in their brain? Will we break the physical wall that divides us from the spiritual world? Will a robot clean my house like Rosie on the Jetsons?

My guess is that cave people never dreamed of the way we live now, but it sure is fun dreaming of how people will live in the distant future. That is, if we don’t destroy ourselves and the planet first.

These searches brought people to my blog. I love all the emotion:

• what the hell is assburger

• what is the dreaded hand foot and mouth disease?

I usually use nouns in my searches, but now will consider using adjectives as well. Much more entertaining.

To those who aren’t “crazy,” “can’t sleep,” and “need to find religion” — glad you stopped by.

I love the internet. The reason I love the internet is because I can describe my symptoms on my blog, and an actual doctor from cyberspace can find it, read it, and provide some help!

His comment deserves to be a post here so that others having problems with sinus infections, sinusitis and post-nasal drip can find relief. Thank you, Dr. Davidson, wherever you are!

Hi there,
First of all, I’m sorry to hear about everything you’ve been through. It sounds terrible. I’m a physician who also specializes in allergies, asthma and immunology. I see many patients with acute and chronic sinus infections, and these infections can be very difficult to tolerate. I just wanted to offer some advice as you go forward, as you mentioned that you’re still experiencing some post-nasal drip.

There’s a big difference between acute sinusitis (a new sinus infection) and chronic sinusitis (a long-term sinus infection). We generally believe that acute sinusitis is due to a bacterial infection that often shows up at the end of a cold. This sounds very much like your story. Antibiotics are often used, but Azithromycin (Z-pack) is really not the best 1st choice for such an infection. I know that the Z-pack was given for your sore throat, but that was probably the beginning of your sinus infection, and not a cold. Then you received some Augmentin, which is notorious for causing significant diarrhea. The reason it’s used is that it works well for sinus infections, but the side effects can be difficult, especially after a Z-pack. Remember, these antibiotics not only kill the sinus infection, they kill many of the bacteria that we normally have in our stomach and intestines — these antibiotics help us digest our food. Without them…well, you experienced significant intestinal symptoms (diarrhea, hemorrhoids, etc.) largely because of the antibiotics. Sometimes we even tell people to eat lots of yogurt while taking these antibiotics. This helps to repopulate the normal bacteria that we all need.

Chronic sinus infections, those that last <6 weeks, or occur <4 times per year, are largely considered to be non-infectious. That is, bacteria are not the problem. It’s a problem of inflammation, or the body’s response to a virus or bacteria. You can give all the antibiotics in the world to a patient with chronic sinus infections, and they won’t get better. That takes us to the next issue: rinses, nasal sprays and antihistamines.

These medications are much more helpful for people with chronic sinus disease, and they even help people with acute symptoms as well. These medications will likely come in handy for you, much more so than the Augmentin or Z-Pack. The sinus rinses are very basic — they help move the mucous, viruses, bacteria, allergens out of the nasal cavity. If one or more of these triggers are making the sinusitis worse, it’s easy to understand why nasal rinses can help. They also moisturize your nasal passage that prevents congestion from occurring.

The one type of medicine that may offer you the best benefit is a nasal steroid. These are medications like Nasonex, Veramyst, Flonase, that we’ve all heard of. This class of medications is VERY effective for sinusitis patients because they decrease the inflammation or swelling and stop the drainage at the same time. Bottom line: If you’re looking for a fix without antibiotics, I’d start with a salt water sinus rinse and follow up with a nasal steroid. You’ll find that the post-nasal drip will get better, along with all the diarrhea caused by antibiotics.

I hope this all helps! If you have any other questions, or are looking for additional information, please take a look at my website: www.davidsonallergy.com or even email me at joshua.davidson at me dot com.

Take care,
Dr. Davidson

…the first chapter of Unraveled is drafted. Not here. Over at Discovery Draft.

Only in America…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America … do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America … do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America … do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America … do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER …

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) … in other words, send it to everyone.  We all need to smile every once in a while.